Wednesday, November 12, 2008

7. Family ties

The three texts we read on the gay marriage debate force us to look more closely at marriage as an institution and what it means to society. Maggie Gallagher's insistence on marriage for procreation and the protection of children raises some interesting and debatable questions about what exactly constitutes a 'family'. This brings us neatly to our second course theme, FAMILY TIES. From now until the end of the semester, we will be exploring this concept through our readings, films and oral presentations.

So, in order to set the theme, please explore the following questions:

What exactly is a family? Is it a group of people bound together by love? By marriage? By blood? By history? By shared memories? By economic dependency? By habit? What unites family members and what divides them? Does family denote only a traditional nuclear family or also a family broken by divorce and blended by remarriage? (all questions taken from The Blair Reader, p.78).

In answering these questions, consider your observations of Turkish society as well as your own personal experiences.

52 comments:

Anonymous said...

Family is the fundamental nuclear cell of the society. The society depends merely on this institution called marriage.

I agree with Gallagher. Her opinions are sensational but obviously lacking the evidences and supports. If only she had given more proofs, constructed her debate on tangible datas the way Kerry Howley did, she could've made her points clearer and indeed more convincing. But still she's right about what she's defending.

Family ties are the ties that bind. They bind the strings of the community and holds them together. Because like I mentioned in my first paragraph, when we reduce the community to something smaller, we come up with the concept of "family".
Society is nothing but a huge multitude of "family"s. And what keep the family together are the habits, the blood, the history and the tradition and most significantly, love, not much of economical dependency. Family members are united along these values I've counted. There's the seperation of responsibility within the family, which leads to every member of the family getting to know at what point they stand for the family.

The concept of family denotes to both the nuclear family and re-marriage. It's the common roof, under which the family dwells, the respect and the love towards eachother, it's all that matters.

The definition of family, I think, means holding a unified and unique assembly of people connected to each other with essential values. Famiy offers children an umbrella, under which to grow up to become a responsible and caring adult. Divorce is the annihilation of the columns, keeping the family together. Consequently, children who grow up with their parents seperated, become reckless, unloving and uncaring, in a way lost in life.

In Turkey people we do not often hear such statistics about the divorce rate because our society is not used to this. But statistics show that the divorce rate is pretty high in the USA, and they're also verifying my thoughts that once you destroy these columns of values inside the family by divorce, it's hard to re-construct them. The divorce percentage goes higher and higher as people make their second and third marriages, so say some researchers:

"50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce", according to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri.

Anonymous said...

The first comment made is mine, I'm mistaken and I don't know how to edit it.

Anonymous said...

Family is group of people who are united mainly by blood (and marriage) relations.

This relation may strengthen by the presence of shared history, common interest, mutual economic dependency etc. but the existence of these features also strengthens other relations such as friendship, nationhood etc. However any single of them is not required for the formation of family relation in contrast to precise requirement of a kinship relationship by blood or marriage.

The scope of family differs immensely between different times and places. It can extend to grand grand parents in feudal societies in contrast to micro-nuclei family relations in modern societies.

If a family broken by divorce, still unites, even if occasionally, then I would call it as a family. Their relations won't be strong as much as a united family, but the main motivation to bring them together is also their relations of blood and marriage, like a traditional family.

Anonymous said...

In my opininon, it is the same question as what is a marriage/family? My response would be that a family is a sacrifice of male and female who decide to leave a self-benefiting single life and choose a life of regeneration of proper children who intented to be raised with true/pure love and carefull responsibility, forming an ideal society. So as Mete Sevinç, i also agree with Gallagher that family should be the ultimate quest of marriage, becuase at the end of life (above oll materalism), the real achivement would be to secure the future of your next blood who are the children. This is also the main ideology behind the Turkish families. The key points (true love and responsibility) are what unites family members in touch (like the main skeleton of a human body), because such values provide the results of communication, nature of share, livelihood of togetherness and of course the emotional bond; such bond which could be metaphorized the bones of the “Wolverine” character from “X-Men”: unbreakable. There could be some issues causing seperations but i believe at the very end, nothing else matters. This emotional bond is also the tradition in Turkish families.
Of course the history is a major context in sense of having the same tradition, because by so, understanding of each other would be easier and the possibility of any foreigness is removed.
I want to expand the respect issue here that even tough recent family structues are nuclei, it should be a consuetude rather than tradition (the consuetude involves mor self-intention rather than performing an action just because it’s done the same in the past) to visit the elder regulary in order to keep the relations warm and smooth. This would remove the concept of a nuclei family, because all the members keep in touch oftenly.
The family keeps its definition as the above even in situations of remarriage, becuase as long as couples perform their way of being family (respect, love, elders and commitment for a better life), the rest should be on the right path.

Anonymous said...

It may be seen too emotional, but I will not define family with society, at least I will not relate it society first. In my opinion, family is a group of people who have blood tie and connected each other with love. Although, I know that there are pretty much families which do not love each other, always have quarrels and etc. Families’ first necessity should be love and respect after biological situations. History, shared memories and habits are formed after love and respect since I believe that love creates a good history and habits. After getting used to be a new family (after marriage)habits will start and may be economic dependency which is mostly for women in our culture because men work and women sit at home, take care of babies and children and she is dependent economically on her husband since she is not working and not earning her own money. In our country it is generally like this.

Common interests, love, respect, blood unites family and make them live in their own world peaceful.

I do not agree with Maggie Gallagher that “Marriage for survive society”. She claims that people should get married to form new generations for society, but according to me society comes after family and marriage, these are more important than forming society. After being a good family, the society will benefit from that since families form society.

Family might be divided by divorce. In my opinion, divorces have a huge impact on children; they are usually the most affected one because they want to have their mother and father at the same time under the same roof. They will stay with one of them and feel the absence of other one and child will be affected psychologically and may be have some problems related with conditions and have them whole life.

Anonymous said...

Generally, the word “family” is defined as a group of people who tied each other by blood or marriage. However, having the same surname or descending from a common ancestor could not always enough to make a group of people family. If “family members” do not love each other or if they do not share memories, their relationship can only be seen their identity cards, it may not be called as a family. For example, my parents have a lot of siblings and I have never seen one of my aunts (she is not dead and not my step aunt) and her children in my life. We have never met. I do not know much about her life, what does she look like or how many children does she have and I think she does not know anything about me except my name. How can I consider her as one of the members of my family? I think, we are just “strangers” who are connected each other by blood. Thus, a group of people who have the same interests, share common perspectives and frequently live together but not blood relations could be counted as family.

Love, respect, common interests, traditions, memories and brings family together. For instance, in Bayrams, Turkish people usually visit their grandparents. As a result respectfulness and traditions unite them. On the other hand, unfaithfulness, disagreements among the family members and distance divides them. For example, family members sometimes left their hometown and they started to work in other cities, away from their family. They could not spend time with their family and then the distance divides them.

Anonymous said...

When we search what is family generally we ll see this definition: Family is a social unit living together or primary social group which is composed by parents and children and also this structure is called marriage but in my opinion family is a kind of group of individuals who have blood tie and connected each other with love, interdependence and respect. I do not agree with Maggie Gallagher that “Marriage for survive society”. Actually I m not saying Hande is wrong she can be right but If there is no much more child what will happen? How can society continue to survive? So as Mete, I agree with Maggie that family must be element quest of marriage, so at the end of life, main target would be to secure children. After divorcing, children have psychological problem and this condition can continue in their whole life.

Anonymous said...

ı wrote somethng wrong that I dont agree with gallagher. indeed,I want to write, ı agree wth Gallagher that “Marriage for survive society”. :)

Anonymous said...

The word family refers to a group of people united by connection through common ancestry. This is the first meaning of the word. But what happens if you get married? Does your husband/ wife has any connection with you in term of ancestry? Ok, sometimes yes it is acceptable but usually you do not have that kind of tie. But you still call your husband/wife as a member of your family or your children accept you and your companion as a part of their family. As you have accepted your parents’ even if they did not have any blood connection through blood or other tangible connections. Thus, there should be something emotional that creates family. Something is needed to make the ‘’house’’ home. Love is usually the first step to have a marriage license. Of course maybe you may fell in love many times throughout you life but what makes you prefer one of them ( usually  )? Having a family is not an easy decision to make. If you are capable of raring your children in terms of economical structures and maturity and patient, if you can live with the man/women that you chose peacefully, that is to say if you have something permanent rather than love, they will affect your children in a positive way. I know people who do not want to get married ever. Because they say that even thinking about marriage is horrible. Because they can see that their parents do not respect them, cannot provide sufficient conditions such as money, and they fight every single day. That makes stereotypes in your mind. I would say that it is better to have your mother and father separated rather than watching their never lasting fights and argumentations. Re marriage should not be that bad, because you know who your father or mother is. Not having a true decision because of youthful or other possible conditions can led to this wrong decision, or maybe right but you don’t know but you do not want him/her in your life anymore. And that means that now you know who you want, what kind of people you want actually. This would be beneficial in order to have more restful life. And tranquility always affects your children or your other family members, in short all the family, in a perfect way.

Anonymous said...

The word family refers to a group of people united by connection through common ancestry. This is the first meaning of the word. But what happens if you get married? Does your husband/ wife has any connection with you in term of ancestry? Ok, sometimes yes it is acceptable but usually you do not have that kind of tie. But you still call your husband/wife as a member of your family or your children accept you and your companion as a part of their family. As you have accepted your parents’ even if they did not have any blood connection through blood or other tangible connections. Thus, there should be something emotional that creates family. Something is needed to make the ‘’house’’ home. Love is usually the first step to have a marriage license. Of course maybe you may fell in love many times throughout you life but what makes you prefer one of them ( usually  )? Having a family is not an easy decision to make. If you are capable of raring your children in terms of economical structures and maturity and patient, if you can live with the man/women that you chose peacefully, that is to say if you have something permanent rather than love, they will affect your children in a positive way. I know people who do not want to get married ever. Because they say that even thinking about marriage is horrible. Because they can see that their parents do not respect them, cannot provide sufficient conditions such as money, and they fight every single day. That makes stereotypes in your mind. I would say that it is better to have your mother and father separated rather than watching their never lasting fights and argumentations. Re marriage should not be that bad, because you know who your father or mother is. Not having a true decision because of youthful or other possible conditions can led to this wrong decision, or maybe right but you don’t know but you do not want him/her in your life anymore. And that means that now you know who you want, what kind of people you want actually. This would be beneficial in order to have more restful life. And tranquillity always affects your children or your other family members, in short all the family, in a perfect way.

Anonymous said...

In my opinion, family is an association which lays the foundation of a society. It accounts for the nucleus and other structures of a society are built upon it. I think ; the members of this group bound together by love and shared memories . First of all , in order to manage or form a family, it is a necessity sprinkle down the feelings of love on the bonds of family members because love is the most powerful item connecting themselves each other. Furthermore, especially there must be shared memories that involve moral significance for people in family. These remind individuals to realize the value and consideration of each other. According to my ideas, common habits and love unite family members because sharing same customs make people get closer to each other day by day , this kind of approach among themselves obstruct the bonds to be eliminated. On the other hand, if a family has been set up on economic dependency, it would be very difficult to talk about the longevity of a family. In the absence of emotional concepts which in reality keep people together, individuals would be bored and unhappy since there is not anything but money to make them consider about family ties. The concept of family loses in the eyes of people due to one-sided dependence on money by members.

Beside these, if a family which has been broken by divorce could maintain its values and members. If a family has laid its foundations on though and moral values , there is not any obstacle to block people to keep together and survive although at the instance of a divorce. In Turkey, I think it is same for almost each sensible citizens who could success conserving values if they have confronted with serious problems.

Anonymous said...

Family is something artificial however it is definitely necessary in our social lives. It is quite difficult to exist in society without a family. It does not matter which type of family you re membered of what matters is that you are bounded to a family. I believe it is artificial for the reason that constitution of a family starts with a paper couples sign, a.k.a. marriage. Marriage is a contract which gives couples a social status. Still couples living together without marriage is not tolerated in our society. (actually I'm not talking about İstanbul and Sabancı University, we're living a life that maybe one percent of the society lives)

This social status is so dominant that it effects our love within family bonds. People forced to love their family, generally they love their families without any pressure but there are lot's examples shows opposite.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sonja Tack said...

I think these blog postings are some of the best I have seen so far. It is clear that you all have tried to provide very careful and analytical definitions of family. Well done!

Anonymous said...

I don't like to limit the term family and define it as ''tied by blood''. I think that definition is better suited for the term -blood relative-.In my opinion anyone whom I love is a member of my family.My family is the most important thing in the world for me but like I said it doesn't onlu consist of my relatives.
As for Gallagher's definition of marriage I strongly disagree with her. Marriage is not for procreating,it's for celebrating love,wanting to take your relationship to the next level.Sure it would be wonderful if they can have a child if they want to. But I find her opinions to be ignorant when I think of all the couples who want to have children but are physhically incapable to do so. So what,are they less of a family than couples with children? I don't think so.

Anonymous said...

Family is a group of people that is not a product of marriage. Because marriage is an institution which provides legal rights, economical advantages, insurance rights, tax discounts and sort of things. It materialize the relationship between two people and makes the importance of moral values secondary. On the other hand, family is an unity of all the things that marriage undervalues. I would like to give a very famous and popular example. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have a big, extraordinary family with six children; half is biological, half is adopted and they are not even married. Moreover, on all the pictures they exhibit how happy and peaceful they are. Angelina Jolie says, "Usually people fall in love and everything revolves around the ritual of marriage, children are an afterthought. We did everything backwards." This shows us familiy is not just about marriage, legal rights or blood tie. It is an invisible bond that holds a group of peolpe together with love, respect and trust.

Anonymous said...

Family can be defined as "a group of people living together", "a social group contains parents and children" or "the people who share common attribute".These are all true definitions but some parts are missing.Accoarding to the first definition gay marriage can be acceptable as it accepts all the individuals living together in a house may be called family.The second definiton does not accepts gay marriage but just a mother, father and children can create a family, common interests and memories are not needed.Finally it is said that common attributes are enough to create a family.These definitions are true in some ways but to get an exactly clear definition, we should consubstantiate them together.A nuclear family means a group of people living together who share common attributes and contains parents and children.

The term of 'family' is so important accoarding to Turkish culture.Turkish society have strong family relationships and traditions trough their history.It is thought that family is the fundemental part of society.We can see from the old history books and novels that Turkish people gave a great importance to their family relationships.However this situation is changing in these days as the number of divorces are increasing everyday.

Anonymous said...

Family is the reassurance of family members relationships. Family is not born from marriage, it mustn't, because marriage is a material thing, like money or voucher. It is an emotional bound that maintains both sides and helps for their solidarity. I think everything can form up a family, even a beaver and I can have a little family. In these three text, it says that marriage is an institution which is very important for our society in ways of procreation and the protection of children raises some interesting. These are just excuses and under marriage definition, this taboo (gay marriage) is legitimized to the extend that two individual cannot freely have a relationship. Interesting information, homosexuality is an ordinary issue before the population reduction.

Anonymous said...

Family is not a thing we can come up with a precise definition. However, our definitions can be better than one another, bringing it closer to perfection. It is not a single word that is actually there, it has a lot of meanings differing in every geography due to cultural differences. Traditions build up the bases of personal relationships thus any family. So if a society had a past where the ancestors created a conservative understanding in the minds, the meaning of family would mean a full commitment to partners and children. Vice versa for other societies. All these meanings are common in some parts. What we should give as the definition of family must include these and must be away from any confliction with any society.

Anonymous said...

I really liked Derya's example of The Pıtt/Jolie clan because I think it does show us how an "alternative" family can be strong and successful.

I think we should be careful about assuming that family is "more important" in Turkey than in America. I can tell you as an American national and one who has lived in both places that I do not see this at all. I think we have to put this into a wider economic and social context. In America, young people are not necessarily constrained by lack of jobs or low salaries, so they can often live independently from their families. And we do perhaps have greater social mobility as well. Family is still a strong component of American culture - all you need to do is read some oral histories (what Americans say in their own words). I think it is oversimplifying the matter to debate the issue in terms of "more" or "less" important. We also have to look at the other side of Turkish families - they way they can sometimes control and suffocate each other and stand in the way of dreams or happiness.

Anonymous said...

Family is a group of people who are connected with them, with blood relation. However like my other friends have stated not only the blood relation but also the emotional relation is an important aspect of "family" concept.

Simply it is easy to make a family with a guy or girl. When you marry and make a child the things you created and you can called as a family. However it is not enough to take into account family as a products of a group of people.

Family members should know each other better than everyone else in public. They should have some habits. They should come home in a simple hour and have their meals together at least one day in a week. Ofcourse having a meal together do not make you a family, however i mean by the dialogs and connection on the table you can know each other better. İt can create a question in our minds like "We live a great deal of years with us, how cant we know each other? or how can a meal make us to know each other, or it is we dont need to make any affords to know each other due to the many years we spend with us, it is inevitable to know each other. The thing is there! In my opinion and certainly people dont stay same evertime. At least 2 years can change one of us. So one a father think he knows his daughter and he is same at every age it is definetly wrong. For instance i am not in a same mood or soul with me at an age 16.Thus, to be family is not a diffucult issue however without knowladge about being a real family and family members it is not really possible to catch the right atmosphere..

Anonymous said...

what is family? I think this is a realy complex and deep issue to write a simple definition.If you have a family you will be never lonely even ıf you are near the cliff.If you have a family you will find absolute support to feel yourself strong enough to reach your aims.Family does not have to have a form incluing a father a mother and a child. Family is somewhere that you never be ashamed of confessing your mistakes. Family is a warm house, a big smile..Family is someting you can never abonden, never forget.family does not a group of people bound by blood or history. A dog can be your family or your huge family can include just one person. If you have something,somewhere or someone that you feel your soul freezed,be out of breath when you even think that you can lose it some day, that means you have a wonderful family.

Anonymous said...

The family which includes the relatives is important part of society.And also, marriage help making the strong bonds between two people who love each other. Living together, being family and having some guarantee in front of laws and the government is required the marriage.Family has very valuable and important ties between the members so they could feel that they are in safe because they could share their grief and happiness=)
Gay marriage may be acceptable when we think gay's benefits but sometimes they could be wrong examples to children. For example ı dont want my children always see the gays couples.

Anonymous said...

Famliy is not just simple as only relationship between a man and a woman. In base of marraiage there are two entirely different conceptual idea which are a sacred bond and social good. That's why it cannot be evaluated only around sexual relationship. It is an also institution under marriage vow. Couples affirm their wovs as an insurance of their long lasting (permanent) marriage and responsibilites to each other. Religious procedure can be consider as a reinforcement to it's unity. With that legal procedure also build up bridge between male and female with similar purposes. Actually main purpose is annihilate it's feasible fragility with the help of commitment. However, it is not just an agreement, it consists many various things in it. For instance, One of them is can be seen as the following. Especially, this holly instution fasten couples relations with their children on bases of social and legal responsibilities.

Unknown said...

DENIZ D KIPGE

Family is the main building block of a community.
Family is individuals living under one roof with love and respect and it consist of mom dad childeren and can have grandpa grandma etc.
Thise is the general meaning of family. For me as SAMİ YAZİCİLAROGLU
Said and i totaly agree with him family is who i loved with my hearth...it doesnt have to have any blood realtion some times people can love u more than u can imagen and they can be come your famil.

Divorce rates are increasing day by day as we see and i tihnk thise is the young genarations false becouse they think marrige is easy just having romantic fellings to some one doesnt mean that you love them and it doest mean that you can spend your life with her or him.. if we look at our grandfathers time we can see that the divorce rates are lest than half of to days as we can see that the old generation knows what is real love is thet know what doest family means also they know what kind of problems that they will face after getting married and if they can come over it or not. They actually know what does family and what does marrige means !

İ think in the family people has different roles such as father works mother cooks and kid goes to school.but i think alsa women can work help the income of the house people shouldnt put all the responsibility to one person father can help the mom to coock and child can help mom also by cleaning the house so the roles can be change in the family and thise should not effect the families realtion ship..

deniz türkçü said...

Family is a an assosiation of people who is supposed to provide procreation and which is usually seen as the nucleus of the society. Family is actually a very hard word to explain because everybody's understands a different thing from family and i think generelazing the definition is hard, but it is usually made by concerning the society's common view.
I think a family is created only by love and economic dependency. Marriage, blood, history, shared memories and habits shouldn't have a relationship with family. You don't have to get married to be a member of a family because i think couples living together and sharing their lives are families too. Blood and history is also not required to be a family as we think about adopted children and children from different nations or couples from different countries. Also, i don't think sharing memories and habits are needed for family either. Because, although family is created by more than one person, the people create families are still individuals and have their own lives which shows that they don't have to share everything. However, love is a big factor that a family needs, because love is the strongest bond which keeps the people together like it does in family bonding. I also have to mention the economic dependency about being a family. It should definetely not be the only requirement but it can be the side requirement with love. As you know money is one of the most important thing in life like being maybe the most important thing to survive so it should have a relation with family too. By being a family and sharing the same house or incomes, it makes life a lot easier for a lot of people. However, there is a very very big problem about economic dependency in Turkish families. Most of the women in Turkish families are fully dependent to their husbands which breaks the equivalance of the partners in family. Family does not have to be forever, couples can separate and break apart a family in the case of having problems. But having an economic dependency makes it impossible for a lot of women and make them unhappy in a lot of ways maybe in exposed violence but not doing anything. So it is a very sensitive issue to think and talk about. I don't think denotes a nuclear family. It can be broken apart and blended by remarriage. As i mentioned before, a family doesn't have to exist forever and can be changed as the couples see they're not suitable to each other and as they change.

Anonymous said...

Family is an important part of the society which is very sensitive subject to analyse. In my opinion societies survival belongs to family institution accordingly relationship between family members. We may say the family as a term ; a group of people bound together by some effects but for me there's no exact definition for family. Because when I think about a family, I understand sharing love,memories,life and more.
This important group of people can divide because of some reasons but these reasons must be very important for me. For example; when you grow up, you may want to live alone,we can see it in many European countries in common,it has destructive effects on family institution and also on societies. By the time societies can forget the real meaning of family and the role of family because of these reasons. As an institution 'the family' must be protected for healthy societies.

Unknown said...

I think there cannot be made a definiton for meaning of family it changes from an individual to other. However,it can be love,respect, blood tie,friendship and so on. The most important thing about the family is that it generally brings regularity to our lives because to live with people who we respect and who we love help ourselves to have some limitations in our lives and help us to be regular. In opposite, especially aged boys and girls prefer to live without a family and also prefer not to have marriage.This allows broken relationships among family members. Also by this way,people actually are escaping from having responsibilities and maybe most important problem for families is this. Most teenagers avoid to face up with people and prefer being alone. This is also basic reason for divorces. When gather these we see that people change and will change and this situation will probably go worst.

Anonymous said...

Family is group of people which they tie each others with love, shared memories with blood.These terms have connections with each other because people become closer as they shared something like emotions, personal events. So, they can feel good emotions to each others. Family is the smallest and the most impressive group because we shared lots of emotions and events with family members, we pass lots of time with family.However,the blood tie is important because it can create an abstract tie between members of family.

Anonymous said...

Family is a joint human group who are connect to each other via motherhood, fatherhood or as siblings. In family, members do not have to bound each other with blood even as a mother or father. The main components of being family, i think, are love and esteem. Shared memories or history are building stones of it. In some cases, maybe people cannot spend too much time of their life with their family or cannot share the same memories. But they are still family via love or caring each other and due to these, they will be ever. If the love, care or esteem disappear the united-family wipes out. In this point of view, remarriaged families are also as much family as traditional families. I think the family term do not include only the nucleus - mom, dad, children- members. It ought to cover all of the people who are connected to each other via love, care and esteem as i said. I mean grandmothers, grandfathers, uncles or aunts should also be labeled as “nucleus family” if they care each other normally.

Anonymous said...

Family which is generally composed by parents and children is an integral part of society. However, family is the key point of society and its meaning and structure change one culture to another. Also I both agree and disagree with Gallagher's ideas about marriage. She said that society formalize definition of marriage and surrounds it with norms and reinforcements. I support this idea of her at this point because marriages and approaching family are shaped by society norms. On the other hand, she indicates that behind the idea of marriage is that children need father and mother, society need babies and adults have an obligation to shape their sexual behavior so as to give their children stable families in which grown up. I think this mechanic approach for marriage and family damages their real values and importance of family structure’s place for people's life.

I think family should depend on strong and healthy bases which are love, reliance and respect, also creating a family is a crucial agreement which couples should think carefully because without thinking well, marriages might create more serious problems which cause devastation in society structure with unhappy people and problematic youth.

Also another important issue is that what is holding family together? Actually its answer is not clear for everyone, because people's perspective is shaped by their own family observation. In my perspective, being real family depend several significant bonds like having strong communication, love (which is most strongest tie to keep family ), sharing generally same values or habits, economic dependency, responsibilities, thinking each other etc. On the other hand all of these are not necessary to be family, I think most important key point is trying to protect the meaning of family and loving each other without expectations from the other under any conditions. Additionally, having same history or linking by blood is not necessary. For instance, people who have same traditions and linked by blood might not have good communication and even not seeing each other, on the other hand adopted children or stepfather and mother might be a real number of family because being under same roof and sharing same powerful emotions is enough to be feel real family love. I think another important decide is that having children, most of family try to have baby without thinking deeply, preparing themselves and their conditions well. It is a very harmful for both children and society, because bringing new member's meaning should not be only continuing their generations, blood or society. For instance, in Turkey more family have children unconsciously, therefore these children does not have to opportunity to raise themselves properly in good conditions.
I think another mistake is that married people give up their own life, interest after one degree, they do not have their individual lives, and therefore this makes couple more depressive and constructing a ground with more problems.What's more, some problems might be happen between couples, so they could decide to divorce or remarriage in this conditions, parents try to behave carefully and reduce bad effects of divorce or remarriage for children, because generally depending on their ages, children of separated families might have serious problems. Therefore, after separation parents should keep their relations and create common area to share something. Children should be realize to living under same roof is not only way to being family and learn to respect their parents individual lives. I think parents should make sacrifices, however if their marriage become to be more harmful for their children or them, they should divorce. Moreover, due to economical conditions, world's standards wide traditional families give their place to nuclear family in most of countries. All of family members are not under some roof or even they can be in different countries. I think it is not an obstacle, because distances express nothing for me if I want to see or continue my relationships. Lastly, I want to add, family could denote both nuclear family and broken family because most crucial thing is that keeping real meaning of family members' inside.

Anonymous said...

the family is a group of people who have common interest,relations.Family relations can be strengthened by sharing or it can develop according to their affections,loves. İf the family members have a responsibility to one an other or they spend their time together,family ties cannot break easily. The most important concept which shows the construction of family is marriage. Marriages show us dependence of people and their loves.By sharing their past and future, family comes together. But if their sharing decreases,they can diverge.It can be concluded by divorce and it causes the weaknesses of family ties.

Anonymous said...

family is a group which you have responsibilities to them. ı think if there is a respect to each other and everyone know their responsibilities family ties may become strengthen.

i am not counter to gay marriages and i do not want to see people who isolate these couples from societies. Ones can be married with anyone if they believe that they will find the happiness and the joy of life. However, nobody can deny that they are not a good example for teenagers or children.

after i saw the movie called "secrets & lies" i really appreciate the value of family. Lack of communication between members sometimes lead to a failure of morals and ethics.

also i want write about adoption. i think for being a family it mustn't be a biological tie between members. there is lots of examples that some of step parents rise the child more sentimental and attentive. If there is someone who you can call them mom or daddy, i think they are the family.

Anonymous said...

I think a family can be the answer of all of these questions, maybe some of them, maybe non of them. The reason behind is that all the families represent themselves and it is unable the categorize the families according to these questions exactly. On one hand, each family separates itself: some families are built because of the emotional connection between it's members, some are sharing the same economic dependency and so on. On the other hand it is said that family is the smallest unit of the society, the smallest group that holds the unique and general properties of a society.This issue becomes more interesting as the world becomes under effect of globalization. In a cosmopolitan country like Turkey, these questions become more and more hard to answer.If you seek the answer in blood/kin relation, well, Turkey shelters lots of ethnic groups, which leads us to a lot of blood bonds. It gets confusing if you consider the combination of different blood bonds ( Turk and Greek, Kurd and Armenian, etc..) If you seek the answer in economic dependency, well, Turkey is the second country in UN which has the most inequitable income distribution.
Moreover, i will not just answer those questions superficially,but give some examples.In eastern Turkey, there exist still some blind date marriages. In big cities like Istanbul, Ankara and İzmir, some families are created to used the advantage of the number of income from different family members because of the high inflation rate, during this time love did not disappear in Turkey =) According to me,on way or another, these individualistic reasons play a role in Turkish families, but we must not underestimate the bridging effects of religion and the doctrines of Ataturk( especially Turkish nationalism and secularism)

Anonymous said...

Family is a group of people, who are soulbounded to each other emotionally and relatively. I think that the marriage is not a fundamental part of family. It's just a piece of paper that law wants.

The turkish family is mostly based on honor. Not my family or the family of turks (which some people call as White Turks). But at the east side of turkey family honor is much more important than personal honor.

Anonymous said...

Family is not defined that just a group of people bound together by blood, marriage, etc. Family is a group of people who have responsibilities to each other. It does not matter the sex of people, if they happy to live with each other and know their responsibility in their group people, it is mean that they are family. I mean I do not disagree with gay marriage. An other subject I want to mentioned is communication. It is also very important point to be family, because I know that lack of communication cause to destroy all family ties.

Anonymous said...

Firstly, family can be defined as a group of people who tied each other by blood. Also, they have same surname to show that they are family to society. I think the sex of people does not matter to be a family. Family is an important term to show us the faithfulness. People get married to show that they are family. I think the marriage is just a sign. It is no more important if there is no love.They cannot be a family without love. For instance, nowadays couples live together without marriage but I think they are family. Also the family environment has an important effect on children. Children should grew up in peaceful environment because the personality of child grows in the family. If the family relationship is not enough strong, children can feel themselves alone. In Turkey, all family members get together at least two times by the bayrams. I think it is such an important tradition to get stronger the family ties.

safiye başarı said...

The literal meaning of a 'family' can say that 'people who have the same surname and blood relation. But I do not think that. There is lots of people who have proximity of blood but they do not look after when another person have a material or spiritual problem. Also there is a lot of people who do not share the same surname but they value to each other and share the life. In Turkey, family can be more important than other cultures and in my opinion; this is one of the most beautiful specialties of us. Moreover I want to add something about gay marriage. I think that Turkish people can not accept gay marriages. There was one example of this on the last days. As you know, Holland curia made a decision to give two Turkish children to gay couple. Turkish people make a big negative respond of it.

Anonymous said...

Family is a group of people related by blood or marriage. However this is just a definition. There are some situations seems like family for this definition and relating by blood is not enough to be a family. When people do not share anything between them, they cannot be a family. To be a family, people should have a history, bad or good memories etc. but the most important thing is having a connection between the family people. They should contact each other. If they do not see each other they cannot be a family. History is not enough for it. For example I have a friend. His big brother and his big sister have a problem between them. Because of it they have never seen each other. They do not have any connection, except relating by blood. Therefore interacting is very important for being a family.

Except of marriage and relating by blood, people can also be a family. Even a pet can be your family. There are many people who are accepting their cats or dogs as a family. Otherwise love is also enough for it.

In addition, respect is important for the Turkish families. In some special days, such as Bayrams, families are coming together. Even they live in so far, they come to their parents. If they cannot come they call. These days are bringing families together. Arguments and fights alienate the families.

Anonymous said...

Family is core element of society. It is not necessary to bound by blood because people can become a family with a step mother, step father or step children. Love is the key of family. Respect, shared and common memories, habits make trigger the family ties become more powerful.
Of course, people can conflict with each other because the aim of marriage maintain until die. It is a long period so families may broken by divorce. The important thing is recognizing own faults and thinking each other's feelings with empathy.

Anonymous said...

Family is group of relatives which constitutes core part of the society. Love and respect are keys to have a good family life. But it does not mean that, in all families, relatives love and respect each other. Because there can be other reasons except love to form a family. Families are usually bounded by blood but also there can be stepmother/father etc. Mostly, people spend their lives with their families, so they share so many memories which are imperishable. They usually share their incomes in family and they act as one. All ones have to be responsible for others. Generally, they eat meals together, breakfast and launch can be skipped but dinner must be eaten all together. I think family denote only a traditional nuclear family. Families broken apart can not be included. In Turkey, family means so much. We have lost of traditions which bring relatives together. In America if you are eighteen, you are not longer bounded with your family, you have to provide your own needs and also you are independent individual. But in Turkey, these things do not happen as long as you move out.

Anonymous said...

Family usually consists a group of people who are related to each other by blood. Most of the time marriage is the first step to form a family. Blood bonds, history, shared memories and economic dependancy comes along with the marriage. Also love is present all the time at this concept.
But this is not the only way to call a group of people family. I will give example from most people's lives here at Sabanci University. Most of us are away from our hometowns, from our parents. Our lives pass by here at this campus so most of the time we are with our friends. I think with spent time, shared memories, care and trust we have with our friends the term friendship turns into the term family here.

Anonymous said...

i think a family is a group of who are bound with shared memories and most importantly love. for example an adopt child has no blood bound with its parents, but love sticks together. even a best friend can be family for people.
marriage is a legal process under laws. people just graunteed themselves with marriage if they divorce. but marriage is not necessary, beacause if couples really love and respect each other they can handle how they divide propers.

Anonymous said...

Generally, family is a group of people who lives together and connected to each other with love, especially in Turkey. However, individuals of a family do not have to love or like each other. In some families, relationships depends on economic dependency. Some children are immediately escape from their parents and leave their family when they have their own economic freedom. But generally Turkish families’ individuals loves each other.
In my opinion, it does not necessary and important that being marry divorced with somebody. Friends could be a person’s family. The important thing is being always together.

Anonymous said...

Family is group of people who live in together harmony and linked each other strongly. I think families bound with blood and love. Relations between family members should be strong and this makes family much more tied.

Marriage is common concept which leads to unite of two people. However marriage can not be the main concept of being family. It should be just legal agreement for man and woman.

Anonymous said...

As many of my friends said, family is something more than having the same blood and the same surname. Even lots of families, who adopt a child, have a good relationship with their son or daughter. A person can also call any of his/her acquaintances or friends or relatives as his/her family; because as I told before, family doesn't mean to have the same blood or surname. A group of people can call them as a family, if they have lots of things to share. In my opinion, the members of a family should be respectful against each other. When we are born, we cannot choose our real or rather our biological family, so no one must love his/her family but everyone should at least try to understand and respect each other. If you love your family, love of course offers a happier life for you. Our parents got married and had a baby to have a happier life. Therefore a child means a lot for them and they make a sacrifice for their children at many times. So even if you cannot understand them and they cannot understand you, you cannot forget that they did a lot for you.

Anonymous said...

Family is a very core element of the society. Being the foundation of the entire humanity, family creates an enviroment where children are raised so that they can be good members of the society. Family, by definition is a community where people who have some sort of blood connection are held together by certain values and ties. These ties may be created not neccesarily by love or mutual attraction, but may also by economic dependency.

However, family requires sacrifice and at least a bit of mutual understanding between the couple to survive. But in modern times, couples do not cut some slack to each other as they used to before. This leads to an increase in the numbers of divorces which is exactly the thing that is happening.

Anonymous said...

in my opinion, love and getting along are two different concepts. love is not necessary for marriage. and i think if two people who can get along live together enough time, a love (not like falling in love) will occur eventually. in a family respect is the most important thing, every members should respect others private lives. i am not saying that family is a official thing, of course it will be wonderful if parents love each other and their kids and healthy relationships but it is not possible always. people usually get married when they want to live an ordered life.

i think calling friends or the ones u love, family is a way different thing. first of all u can not end ur relationship with ur family (except unusual circumstances), friendships ends eventually.

Kuran talebesi said...

Family is group of people that unite with love they can be relatives or other people . Their history , mariage or blood make them family

Anonymous said...

It is a group of people bound by blood as a simple meaning. For me as a deep meaning a real family shares memories, love and history. Blood is an important and biological factor that connect the family members but it is not the thing that connect the family. For example someone adopts a child, they can be a family it is directly related to relations of the family members. So memories and sharing can be the real and mysterious factor to be a family. At this point I agree with Gallagher who says family structure important for emotionally healthy children.
Divorces can destroy children but it can not be expected to keep their marriage because it will not change anything. In Turkey this affect the children deeply too but I guess, the proportion of divorcing is lower in Turkey than some countries like Amerika.

Anonymous said...

What exactly is a family? Is it a group of people bound together by love? By marriage? By blood? By history? By shared memories? By economic dependency? By habit? What unites family members and what divides them? Does family denote only a traditional nuclear family or also a family broken by divorce and blended by remarriage?

It is a group of people bound by blood as a simple meaning. For me as a deep meaning a real family shares memories, love and history. Blood is an important and biological factor that connect the family members but it is not the thing that connect the family. For example someone adopts a child, they can be a family it is directly related to relations of the family members. So memories and sharing can be the real and mysterious factor to be a family.
Divorces can destroy children but it can not be expected to keep their marriage because it will not change anything. In Turkey this affect the children but the proportion of divorcing is lower than some countries like Amerika.

Anonymous said...

family maight mean like a group of people united by blood or marriage but i know it is more than that. ı believe the family rises over love, shareing and sacrifice. i do not believe that family and society depends on marriage as Gallagher says. we know families who are not married but happier than all the other married ones. so it is not all about economic dependency or a promise made to be together. a family is a family when they like spend time together, sharing opinions , being able to understand each other. that is all matters for me. other than that i really do not think being same sex or living together without marriage effects the society as much as troubled kids growing up in a troubled family.